Live and Love
by DarkElements10
Summary: Carlos Garcia: The crazy one of Big Time Rush, loyal, sensitive, and the one wondering whether or not he really has friends. He's not acting the way he usually does. NO SLASH! ON HIATUS!
1. What?

**Chapter One**

"Alright class, it's time for Creative Writing," Miss. Collins stated with that bright, never ending smile on her face as she paced back and forth in front of her group of students in the Palm Woods school. "Before we get started, I just want you to take out a sheet of paper and start to free-write, don't think about anything, just put your pen to paper and write."

Carlos Garcia sighed heavily and slid down in his seat as he grabbed his pen and started to twirl it around his fingers, longing for the bell in the room to ring. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy school, it was a good way to socialize with his friends, he just hated having to learn and to study. To him, the facts that he learned in school were useless and he was sure that he was just going to get all of it knocked out of his head from the constant beatings on the hockey rink anyway.

Carlos let out another sigh and looked around the room. Around him, his classmates were hunched over their desks, writing. Well, most of them were. As Carlos looked around he noticed that James Diamond was constantly picking at his hair, pulling on the strands, waiting for his hair to fall into his eyes in a certain way. Logan Mitchell was dutifully writing on a sheet of paper, smiling widely, always the teacher's pet. And Kendall Knight was writing, but every now and then he would look up and exchange smiles with his girlfriend, Jo Taylor.

_He's probably writing another corny love letter to her. _Carlos thought to himself as he rolled his eyes. _I bet he'll get our opinion on it later. _He added as an afterthought.

It always happened, since Kendall, Logan, Carlos, and James were best friends, Kendall always bounced his ideas for dates or love-letters off of his friends, so they were, in any sense, directly in the middle of Kendall's and Jo's relationship. Every dramatic twist and turn, they were right there.

Carlos twisted his mouth to the side as he looked at his empty sheet of paper. He looked up and Miss. Collins and then looked down. With yet another sigh, he lifted his pen and pressed it to the paper, wanting to get something done.

As soon as he started to write, the words flew out of him.

_I feel alone,  
>So empty,<br>No one to talk to,  
>To one to laugh with.<br>They don't talk to me as much.  
>Have I just became a lost memory to them?<br>Aren't we friends?  
>The best of friends-<em>

Carlos suddenly sat up straight, his brown eyes shooting back and forth as he read and re-read what he had just written. Without thinking about it, he snatched the sheet of paper up off of his desk and crumpled it up into a ball…

_Why did I write that? _Carlos crossed his arms onto the desk and rested his forehead against his arms.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I told you guys that I would be taking a little break before I started this, but now it's here! I hope you liked the prologue/first chapter; I'm still keeping my promise that the first actual chapter will be about 3000 words.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	2. Long Distance Relationship

**Chapter Two**

You know, those times when you're lonely and down and your head feels like it might explode? Those are the times when you can't be found.

Those are the times when Carlos find himself crying.

Then again, sometimes he found himself crying when she was around, but that was only because he knew that she was only going to be around for a short period of time before she left again. His girlfriend, Stephanie King. She had been accepted into a film academy in NY and was now there while Carlos was still back in LA, working on his music with his friends.

Big Time Rush had gotten really big over the past few months and he was busier than ever and that just caused his long distance relationship with Stephanie to become even harder than it was before. Sure, they called each other on the phone all the time, but the times that they mutually had off and were able to see each other were getting fewer and fewer as more concerts and more film festivals and projects came up.

Realistically, the two of them knew that the distance between them wouldn't help matters, but they were still willing to make it try.

"I want to hold you in my arms and listen to your heart beat." Carlos said into the phone, imagining his girlfriend grinning back at him, her face becoming flushed at his words. No matter how much of a tomboy Stephanie could be (and she did have her girly moments) she couldn't help but blush when Carlos was being really sweet to her.

"Are you falling in love with me or something?" Stephanie asked in reply.

That was the second time she had asked him that question and he could never be sure if she wanted a serious answer or if she was just fooling around. He supposed that he did love her, but it was still a scary thought, he was only 17 and she was his first girlfriend ever.

So the idea of him being in love with her, and the possibility of her not feeling the same way, scared him enough to not even try to figure out his feelings for her that went past a crush.

Carlos stayed silent, hoping that she wouldn't notice his lack of an answer. "You didn't give me an answer." Still, he was silent. "Carlos?"

Obviously he was going to have to respond in some way.

_How the hell am I supposed to answer that? _Carlos asked himself in a panic. But what came out of his mouth was, "I don't have an answer." His statement was true, but in the back of his mind he knew that he had feelings that he was afraid to put out in the open.

"Oh."

Carlos sighed and rolled onto his back, his phone still at his ear, as he moved an arm over his eyes. _It's just one of THOSE days._ He thought to himself wearily. _You're not here. But, then again, you're never here seeing as you live all the way on the other side of the country. You know what's scares me the most, Steph? I think that now I'm fully aware of the fact that I am in love with you. And I'm pretty sure you have strong feelings for me as well._

"But what's the point?" Carlos whispered to himself. "When we're always going to be so far away from each other?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: You know what, ignore me the next time I say that I have a promise I'll keep, because with school and work in the way they usually don't happen. So while this chapter wasn't 3000 words as a minimum, at least I updated for you. (I'm at work, so that's why its kinda short, I'm pressed on free time.) I hope you liked it.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	3. Never

**Chapter Three**

Do you know what it feels like to be ignored?

It feels like you can't get a word out. It's as if your mouth is being held shut. It's as if you're shouting at the top of your lungs, and it's already such a deafening scream, but no one can hear you call for their help. It's like you've been pushed into water, when they know you can't swim. What's worse is being ignored by your best friends. They're the very people you idolized. The people you care for, and are willing to give your life for.

But all your efforts are in vain.

It's like that.

But this time the anguish is worse.

It's like talking to yourself. It's like when they leave you alone, your world will stop turning. But when they're alone, their worlds will still turn, regardless of what happened to you.

But you don't mind. In your heart you have so much hope. Too much hope, that it's dangerous. Just knowing that on some level they care is enough for you.

As each day continues you'll endure more an more pain. The pain that cuts right to your heart. But you don't want to say anything because you'll just be called too sensitive, or overly sensitive. It's not my fault that I care about people and their feelings so much. It's just obvious that they don't feel the same way. Nobody realizes how much it hurts when they say those things, because you're still you. But it's only on the outside.

Inside you're calling for help.

You're crying an ocean of tears...for them.

You'll sacrifice everything for them.

But they won't do anything - and not even a single thing - for you.

Will they?

No, they won't.

Not ever.

Never.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, this is probably one of the shortest chapters I have ever written. But I didn't want you guys to wait so long for an update, so I did teh best that I could with it. I hope you don't mind too much. So, for those of you wondering, there **_**IS **_**an actual moment where Carlos starts to feel ignored and slighted. There will be a fully chapter explaining what happened there, but most of the time you'll just see what happened through a series of flashbacks. I hope you liked the chapter and I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**

**PS – Rhubes' and my 19****th**** birthday is this Friday. I can't believe it's so close and I can't believe that we're turning 19 already. Scary to think that we'll be 20 next year.**


	4. No motivation

**Chapter Four**

"Are you ok, Carlos?"

"Yes, I'm fine"

_Such a simple lie, yet a lie all the same. _

_And why do I lie?_

_I don't know, I don't understand, why can't I tell them that something's wrong, that I'm not fine. But I can't; I can't because I don't know what's wrong with me. They can tell something's wrong, they can always tell, they know me better than I know myself. And so they ask, I say I'm fine, and then they go and act like everything is fine. That makes it worse, I don't want any special treatment, and it makes me feel like a freak, like I'm different to everyone else. I don't want to be different._

_Why do I want to be alone yet I know that will make me feel worse, why can't I sit with people without wanting to scream? Colors seem dull, and everything sounds different in this strange and lifeless world I live in. I woke up one morning and found I didn't want to get out of bed. It scared me. Why am I so confused about everything, how come nothing makes sense to me. I'm afraid of the dark; I hurry past the shadows, afraid of what dark secrets they may be concealing. But somehow I find them comforting. That doesn't make sense and it scares me._

_Things that used to please me and make me happy have changed. It's not them that have changed, it's me. I have nothing to look forward to, I get up in the morning and frown upon the day ahead, and there is nothing there that excites me, nothing that I have to look forward to. But I know I must keep up the act, keep going on, not for me but for the people I love, I get up, I plaster a smile on my face so that they don't have to worry about me and wonder what is wrong._

Carlos turned away from his sheet of paper and crumpled it up in his hands. "Another assignment that I have to write for class and it came out badly." He muttered to himself and tossed it into his backpack. Carlos crossed his arms onto the table and slouched down in his seat, resting his arms on the table.

"Carlos, sit up," Logan leaned over, whispering in his ear. "It's not good for your posture and it's kind of rude to Camille while she's giving her presentation."

"What's she even talking about?" Carlos mumbled as he rested a hand on his cheek. "'Cause all I'm hearing is blah, blah, blah," He moved his free hand up and down like a mouth.

Despite the fact that Logan loved school, the corner of his upper lip curled into a smile. "Much like it always sounds." His smile faded when Carlos didn't reply; just tilted his head back down and started to scribble on his desk with a pencil.

_Weird_ Logan thought to himself, turning his attention back to his girlfriend. _Usually Carlos is bouncing out of his seat to get to work or to just leave and now he's just sitting here. _He looked over at Carlos out of the corner of his eye as he slumped over again. _I'm sure it's nothing._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yes, I know, still not a long chapter. I PROMISE (and I plan to keep this promise this time) that every chapter I write after this will be a long(er) chapter. I hope you guys liked it anyway, the next chapters has to do with the guys as these chapters had shown Carlos' problems and his thoughts.**

**I hope you liked it and I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	5. Operation: Cheer Up

**Chapter Five**

Logan frowned as he watched Carlos from across the pool deck. His unforgotten smoothie was starting to melt in his hand; condensation ran along his fingers and down his arm to his elbow, tickling his skin. But he paid no attention to it.

_I know that something's up with him, he hasn't been acting like he usually does. And he was far more bored in school than usual. _Logan thought to himself as he watched Carlos talk to GuitarDude about something, his hands shoved into his pockets and a small smile on his face. _Even Carlos would find some sort of entertainment in school, but this time he seemed like he wasn't focusing on __anything__._

Logan twisted his mouth to the side as he continued to watch Carlos as he said goodbye to GuitarDude. He turned on his heel, his smile faded, and he walked around the pool deck and disappeared into the lobby. Logan leapt to his feet and hurried after him.

"Yo, Carlos," Logan called and grinned as he placed a hand on Carlos' shoulder, causing him to stop. "Hey, what are you up to?"

"It's our day off, so not much," Carlos replied, scratching the back of his neck.

"A day off, right," Logan laughed shortly. "Listen; let's go find James and Kendall and head down to the beach. We can just hang us guys. Go surfing, eat a bunch of junk food, hang." He suggested.

"I don't know," Carlos shrugged his shoulders. "I'm waiting for Steph to call, she's going to tell me whether or not she got this grant to make a movie after she entered a contest or something." He pulled his phone out of his pocket. "And my phone's dead, so I have to wait on the apartment phone so…"

Logan slowly nodded. _So that's what this is about_ Logan thought to himself. _He misses Stephanie. _Logan licked his lips. "Listen, Carlos, I know that you're still upset that Stephanie had to move away to work on some of her movies, but-"

"Why are you apologizing?" Carlos' eyebrows lowered. "I mean, your girlfriend didn't move away."

"But I know how you feel," Logan insisted. "Especially when Camille is going away to film for her movies, it's-"

"Yes, but she always _comes back_!" Carlos interrupted, not looking thoroughly annoyed. "Listen, I know that you're trying to help me feel better, but you _don't_ know how I'm feeling. Camille is always going to come back here to the Palm Woods when she's done with whatever she is doing. Steph is probably going to stay over there because she keeps getting filming opportunities. So, sorry if I don't think that you feel the same way."

He stepped around Logan and walked over to the stairwell, disappearing from sight.

Logan sighed and rubbed his forehead.

* * *

><p>"Logan, I'm sure you're worrying about nothing," Kendall stated, placing his chin in his hands.<p>

"You can't possibly tell me that you haven't noticed that Carlos hasn't been bouncing off of the walls like usual." Logan stated as he placed his hands on his hips and tilted his head to the side. He moved his brown eyes over to James. "Have you not noticed either?"

Logan had grabbed Kendall and James and dragged them into the apartment after Carlos had disappeared from sight. He was planning on confronting him, but when they arrived Carlos was already gone and as his phone was dead, they had no idea where he had gone. So Logan decided to take the time and to ask Kendall and James if they had noticed anything wrong with their friend.

But of course things weren't going the way he wanted it to.

"Well, when it comes to you guys I don't really notice anything." James replied simply. He clasped his hands together when Logan glared at him. "Well, after Carlos, you're the more sensitive one, so maybe you _are _blowing this a little out of proportion?" He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, we've been so busy with work and everything that I haven't really had enough time to do anything other than sleep and eat."

"Ugh," Logan ran his hands over his face, tilting his head back, his shoulders drooping. "Sometimes I don't get why I bother."

"Ok," Kendall got to his feet, crossing his arms over his chest. "Let's just say that there _is_ something wrong with Carlos, you know how stubborn he can get sometimes, what do you propose that we do to cheer him up?"

"What do you think?" Logan raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head back down. "He misses his girlfriend, and all of our girlfriends are here," Logan motioned between himself, Kendall, and James. "So all we have to do is get Stephanie back here for a visit and he'll be the same Carlos all over again."

"Are you sure that it's just that he misses Steph?" James snorted, standing up from the couch as well. "Because he isn't that attached to her, he was fine when she had to leave before."

"Yes, but Carlos and I kind of got into a fight about it today," Logan explained. "I was trying to empathize with him about her being gone, but he said that I wouldn't understand what was going on since Camille can always come back from her auditions and shootings, but Steph is still over in New York." He shrugged. "It seems logical to me."

"Alright then," Kendall grinned as he put his arms around Logan's and James's shoulders. "We're going to call up Stephanie, pay for her plane ticket," he paused. "Or get Gustavo to," he added under his breath. "And then bring her here to cheer Carlos up."

"Better yet," James snapped his fingers, his eyes shining with excitement. "Why don't we throw a 'Welcome Back' party for Stephanie, invite her over the weekend. That way she and Carlos can hang out for the weekend, and we can have a huge party out of it."

"You're still trying to win that "Super Party Party Kings of Hollywood" thing aren't you?" Kendall asked, rolling his eyes.

"What better way to kill two birds with one stone?" James shrugged in reply.

Logan gave a half-smile.

"Alright, so we need a plan," Logan thought for a second and turned to Kendall. "Kendall, since I'm sure you were about to go see her anyway, you and Jo will go out and get the food for the party," he turned to James. "James, you take Rachel and start to invite some of our friends and whomever else you can think of." He then tapped himself on the chest. "And Camille and I will call Stephanie and arrange her flight back here."

"Question," James raised his hand in the air. "Where are we going to have this party? I mean Bitters is watching us like a hawk since the last time we had the party there?"

"I'm my defense, that was _your _fault," Kendall stated as he shot a pointed look over at James.

"Actually, to be technical it was Carlos' fault because he was the one that invited everyone in his phone." Logan reminded them. "Anyway, where else do you think we'll have it? We'll have it at Rocque Records. Now get going, we have a lot of stuff to do before the weekend!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there you have it, Carlos is getting worse and the others are getting worried. As I have said before, the reason why Carlos is so upset happened earlier and you'll see it in a flashback. If you had to guess, why would you say that Carlos is upset? I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	6. I hate them

**Chapter Six**

Everyone has that one person they absolutely can't stand. The person they hate so much, the person they wish would die. The person they never want to see again. The person who knows just how to get you mad, but yet... that person seems to know you the best.

But for Carlos, it seemed that for him it was more than one person. It was weird. But the really weird part was the fact that the ones that he seemed to hate were his best friends. How could Carlos hate his best friends? Hell, how he could hate anyone at all? He was never one to hate people, he didn't even hate Gustavo and how much he put Carlos down over and over again as he worked to try and figure out how to decipher the dance moves and the vocal ranges for Big Time Rush.

But he was starting to hate his best friends, and he didn't have a clue why.

_That's a lie too_ Carlos thought to himself as he walked along the streets of downtown LA. _You know exactly why you're not very fond of them now. _He chuckled to himself. _Wow, you can't even say that you hate them even when you know you do._

Carlos shook his head, the sudden movement caused him to lose his balance and he pitched sideways, almost crashing into a woman and her young daughter. The woman pulled her daughter out of the way and shot Carlos a dirty look.

"Sorry," Carlos muttered, regaining his balance and continued down the street. _They probably don't even realize that they're the ones that are making me so pissed. But I don't like confrontation._

That was true. Carlos never confronted anyone about things that were bothering him, even when he was getting bullied back in Minnesota. Kendall, James, and Logan would always jump in and protect him, even when Carlos said that everything was fine. And he was grateful for it at first, but as it went on and he never got a chance to defend himself.

And now while they were out in California…

_No! _Carlos shook his head again. _Don't think about it, they don't know what they did, so you shouldn't have to worry about it. _He frowned, jamming his hands into his jeans pockets. _But if they were truly my friends they would at least __try__ to figure out what was going on. Well, actually, they should know without having to guess and try and fix it. But they're too busy with their own lives and their own fucking problems. They don't care about me._

"They never cared about me," Carlos sighed as he stopped walking and tilted his head back. He managed to smile a little. "And the only person that _does_ care is across the country. At least I have her."

_Her and no one else…_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry this isn't a longer chapter like I expected guys, but for the past few days (and up until I've written this chapter) I had lost a bit of inspiration for this story. Plus school and projects have been getting in the way, but I'm working on it now. The funny thing is that I put writing my stories/fanfics ahead of my school work. (Don't worry, I'm getting good grades.) My fall break starts next week so I'll update with a longer chapter then.**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	7. Conversations

**Chapter Seven**

"So you're having _another_ party?" Jo stated her dark eyebrows rising as she pulled her blonde hair behind her ears. "Do you remember what happened the _last_ time you tried throwing the party here at the Palm Woods?" She reminded him as she put down her script, allowing Kendall to take the seat opposite of her. "Let me refresh your memory if you don't, you and I had to run around the Palm Woods throwing Bitters off of our trail, we barely got a chance to have fun."

"But messing with Bitters _was_ fun," Kendall defended himself and then tossed in a charming smile. "You have to admit that. And if it wasn't for the party, you and I wouldn't have started dating."

"That's true," Jo couldn't help but smile as well. "But, that was also the start of me getting dragged into your guys' crazy plans and schemes."

"You don't enjoy that either?" Kendall's mouth fell open, his green eyes widening. "Like, seriously?"

"My dad is starting to become even more suspicious of you guys," Jo rolled her eyes. "This time he's completely convinced that you guys are going to end up being arrested or something." Her smile then widened. "But I do enjoy getting in trouble every now and then, especially after the whole fiasco at prom." She sat up straight, getting down to business. "Ok, what's this party for?"

"We're trying to cheer up Carlos," Kendall replied with a nod, his smile fading a little. "Logan is convinced that something is wrong with him, James and I think he's fine. But we want to throw a party for him anyway."

"So what do I have to do with this?" Jo asked, twirling a finger in her hair.

"Besides being my date of course," Kendall stated.

"Of course." Jo agreed with a giggle.

"So you and I are going to go and get the food and drinks for it," Kendall started to count off on this fingers. "James and Rachel are going to see if Gustavo will actually let us have the party at Rocque Records along with inviting almost everyone at the Palm Woods, and Camille and Logan are going to get Stephanie to come too."

"Oh, that's so great!" Jo gushed as she clasped her hands together in her lap. 'It will be awesome to see her again and I know that she's been dying to see Carlos. This whole long-distance thing is kind of hard on them, well; it should be hard on any couple." She started to look concerned. "I'm kind of surprised that they've lasted this long."

"They're in love, what can I say?" Kendall shrugged and stood up. "Now, the party is this weekend, so it's probably better that we go and get the food now, so we don't have to worry about the rush of people grocery shopping on the weekend." He held his hand out to his girlfriend.

Jo stood up, taking his hand, and then turned to him, giving him a knowing look. "You just want to ride in the cart while I push again, don't you?"

Kendall beamed. "You know me too well."

Jo pretended to roll her eyes as she walked out of the Palm Woods pool, dragging her boyfriend behind her. "It's a curse."

* * *

><p>Logan paced back and forth across the carpet in Camille's apartment as he twirled his phone in his hands. Camille was sitting on the couch, watching him pace back and forth, an amused expression on her face. The two of them had been dating for a long time, not as long as Kendall and Jo, but still, for a long time. When Logan wasn't with the guys, you could <em>always<em> find him with Camille. But they knew how to spend some time apart. Today was one of the few days that Logan could actually get into her apartment s her father was almost as bad as Mr. Taylor. He isn't a CIA agent, but he's still a father that is over-protective of his daughter.

And to Mr. Roberts, no guy was good for her, so he was always iffy about going to her apartment. But because they had a good reason for it that day, to help out one of their greatest friends, he wasn't as worried about Mr. Roberts bursting through the door at any moment.

"So explain to me again why we can't just ask Steph to come back as a surprise for Carlos." Camille stated as she pulled her laptop onto her lap, looking through different websites for airlines, trying to get the best priced ticker from round-trip from New York to California.

"If we want her to come as a surprise for Carlos, we can't tell her that we're having a party." Logan replied patiently as she dialed Stephanie's number into his phone. He sat down on Camille's couch as the phone rang and leaned against her side, looking at the computer screen. "That would ruin everything."

"So what if she actually can't come back home?" Camille tossed her hair over her shoulders, letting out a short breath of frustration. "Like what if she already had plans and wants to stay over there." She laughed as Logan hung up the phone. "What?"

"Now you're making me nervous." Logan replied, looking affronted. "What if you're right? What if she _does_ already have plans? I mean, people in New York don't like to wait for things to come up. What if she-"

"If this is for Carlos, she'll go ahead and come," Camille stated gently, putting her hand over Logan's mouth to get him to stop talking. "If it was me that was in New York and the other guys were trying to get me to come back here, I would be on the next plane in a few seconds."

"Yeah, but we haven't really been in a long-distance relationship before," Logan murmured as he thought back to what Carlos had said to him earlier.

_Logan slowly nodded. __So that's what this is about__ Logan thought to himself. __He misses Stephanie. __Logan licked his lips. "Listen, Carlos, I know that you're still upset that Stephanie had to move away to work on some of her movies, but-"_

_"Why are you apologizing?" Carlos' eyebrows lowered. "I mean, your girlfriend didn't move away."_

_"But I know how you feel," Logan insisted. "Especially when Camille is going away to film for her movies, it's-"_

_"Yes, but she always __comes back__!" Carlos interrupted, not looking thoroughly annoyed. "Listen, I know that you're trying to help me feel better, but you __don't__ know how I'm feeling. Camille is always going to come back here to the Palm Woods when she's done with whatever she is doing. Steph is probably going to stay over there because she keeps getting filming opportunities. So, sorry if I don't think that you feel the same way."_

"So we don't really know what he's going through." He finally turned his brown eyes to Camille's hazel ones. She looked back at him with sympathy and concern. "We kind of got into an argument about it. I was trying to tell him that I knew how he felt, because of you going out for auditions and getting them, and me going on tour, but he says that because Steph is, like, permanently across the country for the time being, it's not the same."

"And it's not," Camille reached out and ran her fingers through Logan's hair. "What we have is different than what Carlos and Stephanie have, or Kendall and Jo, or James and Rachel. Not all relationships are the same, and he's probably just upset that he doesn't really have anyone to talk to about this because none of you guys have been through this before."

"Yeah," Logan agreed with a short nod. "Like, if Jo _had _taken that movie role and gone to New Zealand, I know that Kendall would be a wreck." He let out a short sigh. "Maybe I should be a little more sympathetic." He looked at Camille out of the corner of his eye. "I told you that being around me would make you smarter." He teased.

Camille lightly hit him on the arm and turned back to her laptop. "You're a goofball," she stated, shaking her head. "But you're better than I am about this kind of stuff; help me find a good ticket." She leaned forward, a hand on her chin as she continued to scroll through page after page of flight information.

She looked up as Logan continued to stay silent, looking thoughtful. "What?"

"I just realize that the only reason that I'm kind of freaked out about this is because I feel that I have to protect Carlos." Logan frowned a little. "It's kind of hard to explain, because the four of us are best friends, but Kendall and James seemed to have clicked and Carlos and I have clicked. So whatever crazy plan Carlos would come up with, I would go to make sure that he didn't get hurt, or to try to tell him that his plan is going to fail miserably. And they usually do."

"That's your charm, Logie." Camille said. "And it may be because Carlos is the…well, he's not the youngest…" she paused. "I don't know. He acts like he's the youngest, so that may have something to do with it."

"He's innocent and sensitive," Logan replied with a nod. "That's the reason why." He ran a hand over his face and then smile. "Well, I know that this party, with all of his friends and his girlfriend, is going to put a big smile on his face."

"And we're not going to be able to put it on his face if we can't get Stephanie out of here." Camille plopped her laptop into Logan's lap, causing him to wince, and she grabbed his phone from her hand. "Since you know what you're doing, you book her flight, and I'll call her." She punched in the number and brought it up to her ear. "I'm a girl," she explained at Logan's skeptical look. "I think I can get her hear with the same kind of tricks that we use on you guys to do whatever us girls want."

"What's that?" Logan snorted. "Begging?"

Camille reached over, grabbed a pillow, and hit him in the face with it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This story is mostly focused on the LoganxCarlos friendship because I based most of Live and Let Die on the KendallxJames friendship. It's weird, personally, I think that Kendall and James are best friends out of the four of them, and then Logan and Carlos are best friends. Which is probably why I've written some Kames stories… Hm…**

**Anyway, I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter. Today I'm officially on Fall Break, so you'll see more updates from me. So don't be surprised if your inboxes get spammed with alerts from me/us.**

**Check out my other stories **Life Goes On, I'm With You, One of The Guys, **and my co-write with Rhuben** Big Time Boarding School i**f you would please! **

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	8. Crazy

**Chapter Eight**

Carlos watched without any expression as Kendall worked on his vocals.

He, Logan, and James were sitting in the control room with Kelly and Gustavo, waiting for their turn to work on their vocals as well. Carlos' gaze slid over to the two of them. They were sitting close together, whispering back and forth and Logan was scribbling something in a notebook. When he noticed Carlos looking at him, he flushed, snapped his notebook shut, and looked away. But James didn't notice and pointed to something in the notebook; Logan scowled and slapped his hand away, turning back to Gustavo and making it all too obvious that he was only pretending to pay attention.

Carlos let out a sigh, rolling his eyes.

_That's fine _he thought to himself, twirling a thread of string from the bottom of his shirt around his finger. He watched as it started to turn purple. _Ignore me and act weird. You've done it enough the past few days anyway, why should I care?_

But annoying enough to him, Carlos did care, and he knew that he cared too much. But he couldn't help it; he was just so sensitive with everything. Even back home he got so sensitive to what was going on with him and others that it got to the point that there were people that were starting to call him gay. Of course Kendall and James put a stop to it right then and there, but it still didn't help matters much when they weren't around. Then Carlos had started to become taunted with the fact that he was so weak that he needed James' and Carlos' help. So he went and tried out for the hockey team and made it very easily. His aggression on the others that had been tormenting him, he took out on others on the ice, and that was how he got known as the crazy one out of all of them. For a while he ran with it.

Who would want to go up against someone who was crazy? That was where his crazy antics came from; mooning the other sports teams, which always got him kicked out of the games. Then there was riding along in shopping carts down the steepest hill in the city. There was also the time that he tried sitting in a computer chair, opening an umbrella, and being propelled down the street by a big gust of wind. That resulted in two cracked ribs and a concussion after he crashed into a parked car at top speeds. At the time, Carlos was laughing hysterically, which was probably due to the concussion, and James, Logan, and Kendall had freaked out, tripping over each other as they tried to figure out what to do. Of course his parents got called and he was sent to the hospital. But it was still fun. And his fun lasted…up until he had started to hear his parents talk about how hurt he was getting the past few days from his antics.

So he toned it down, but then when he got to California, he realized that those antics were what made Carlos Carlos and he started them all over again. It helped that he kids at the Palm Woods hadn't seen anyone as energetic as Carlos was and he got away with basically anything he wanted to (when Bitters wasn't around.) To the younger boys that were there, Carlos was seen as something of a hero, and he lived off of that for a while the first year they were there. When he met Stephanie it started to tone down, but with her wanting to film everything it didn't last long. That was when the real trouble had started. He was going to the apartment and had arrived outside of the door, about to burst in on his friends, wanting to make them jump, but he heard them talking. And when he heard his name being said, he knew that he was being talked about.

Naturally a curious person, Carlos removed his helmet, and grinning, pressed his ear against the door. But his smile didn't last long.

"…What's wrong?" Carlos had caught the end of Logan's question or statement. Carlos wasn't sure what had just been said, but that's what happens when you're eavesdropping on someone's conversation.

"The whole fucking Palm Woods." Kendall replied, sounding frustrated. "Everyone knows that he's weird, but so what?" He snapped. "He's our friend."

Carlos frowned as he continued to listen. _I never thought I was weird. I didn't know anyone would be embarrassed to be seen with me because of that._

Carlos was thinking too hard about what Kendall had said that me missed a small exchange between him and James, but he listened again when Kendall said something and James started to speak again.

"I can understand it though; he doesn't like it when people are upset. He's a complete push-over. He doesn't really ever stands up for himself…" Carlos missed part of what he said as there was a rustling sound. "…No wonder people have no problem talking about him behind his back."

Carlos had cringed. He had never given anyone a reason not to like or dislike him. He had never said anything bad about anyone and I had never done anything to hurt anyone on purpose. He didn't want to hear anymore, so he turned and walked away, and when he came back later, he pretended that everything was fine, and he actually forgot about them talking about him in the first place.

_Then the other thing happened _Carlos glumly reached into his backpack and took out a notebook. He grabbed a pen and started to flip through the pages. _Don't think about it Carlos, just write down your feelings like you have done with everything else._

Over the past few days, Carlos had gotten into writing poems about what he was feeling and what had gone on that day. They weren't poems exactly, just lists of this thoughts, but he guessed they could be read out as poems. Usually he didn't like English, but he found that writing poems was the best way for him to deal with what was going on with him, a good way to vent and get his anger out without having to actually go out and say it. It was therapeutic and it was something that meant a lot to him.

More than he originally thought it would.

_when I first met you guys I_

_wanted to be your friend._

_we started to talk and before_

_we knew it we became inseparable._

_well that's what I thought we_

_were_

_but I guess we are not._

_you always gave me advice_

_when I needed help._

_you were always there when I_

_wanted someone to_

_talk_

_to but I guess that was all_

_a lie._

_how could you_

_hate_

_me so much and talk about me_

_behind my back?_

_I gave you my_

_friendship_

_but I guess you don't_

_want_

_it…_

Carlos sighed and put the cap back on his pen and put his notebook back into his backpack, but not after looking at all of the words scrawled over the front. They were embedded into the cover with pen, scratched so hard that there were a few holes in a few places.

**Keep Out.**

**Don't Read.**

**For Carlos Only.**

**Parental Advisory Is Advised.**

They were all simple words, something that you would think that you would find on every teenage boy's bedroom door or in a journal that they wrote their most private thoughts in. But if you were smart enough to realize it, you would figure out that it was Carlos' warning signs, his silent pleads of help.

But so far, they were falling on deaf ears…

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><p><strong>AN: Ok, now you see part of what caused Carlos to become depressed I guess. I realized I did a lot of flashbacks in Kendall's story, not really any in James', and decided to bring it up again in Carlos' and Logan's.**

**The party is the next chapter and things continue from there. I think that having Carlos write poems and stuff about his thoughts is a good way to convey his thoughts without actually coming right out and saying it, what do you think?**

**Anyway, there's something I wanted to say. I miss the way that the BTR fandom used to be. I miss the people that were some of the first writers in this fandom and that were my friends. I miss the constant support that writers gave each other (while I'm guilty of this), giving reviews for each chapter to help make the story better. I also miss how I would get people that review as well as favorite, and not just favorite/alert, so I could get to know them. So that's why I've decided to start replying to every review I get. And don't be afraid to PM me or talk to me on twitter either, I like meeting new people and I would like to become friend with you all. Plus, whoever favorite authors me, I'll do it back to them.**

**All my contact info is on my profile**

**Cheers,**

**-Riles**


	9. Mom and Dad

**Chapter Nine**

_So writing poems have helped for a while, but all of those abstract ways of writing down my feelings just isn't me. So now I'm going to go just try and write things straight forward. I guess, this is partly the reason why I'm so crazy, but it's also partly the reason why I don't really like to go home. Why I'm always at Kendall, Logan, or James' houses. They didn't really know about my home life, but if they ever find this journal and all of my poems and these thoughts right here, they will._

_My parents are both loving people, but both very screwed up. Not to be offensive to anyone else, but my dad is a typical hot tempered Hispanic male. He wants a slave, not a wife. He wants workers, not children. And of course he wants to be the God. Everyone will bow down to him and serve him as he wishes. _

_Maybe you think I'm over doing it, but here is a prime example. One day after a lecture directed toward me and my mother he blurted out, "If you aren't living for me, who you are living for?" _

_Now, if that isn't an extreme case of what I call the "God complex" I don't know what is. _

_He is always complaining about the house, money, or looks. He isn't a very pleasant man. It is a rare occasion when he says anything that isn't a complaint, even rarer if he makes a compliment. Well one might ask how I put up with his crap all of my life, but that's why I'm so crazy. I use my antics to half get back at him and to half make me feel better. The sad thing about it is that he won't always like this. He used to be a fun guy to be around. I think I actually remember him smiling at some point. _

_Why is this sad? _

_The only reason I'm not dad's friend anymore is because I grew up useless. I'm an only child so my mom would spoil me. So, naturally, I'm used to getting my way and not having to work so hard for what I want. But my dad, as I mentioned, needed another worker besides him. I think he lost respect for me when I gained started to do a lot of crazy antics, like jump headfirst into a large snow/ice pile. That caused a concussion and I had to rest for a week, but it was fun. _

_So, of course in addition to the nagging and bitching about cleaning the entire house and not spending any of his money there was him ragging, teasing, and making condescending remarks about my personality. He doesn't seem to care or think about what he says._

_Now, on the other hand, there is my mother. As long as I've known her, she has been loving and positive. She has always been there to stand up for me, apologize and assure me that my father's comments shouldn't bother me, and be there with me through the ratings of my father. How these two came to be and stay together is completely beyond me. My mother is just as much a victim of my father's negativity as I am. _

_But I guess she sees something I don't because she puts up with it. Have you ever noticed there is more to say about the bad than the good? Well that's the case here. What else can I say? She's always been kind, never spoke to me like my dad has and always defended me. She was my hero, my savior, my protector, my best friend. I used to tell her everything that was going on with me. She would give me advice and comfort me. She was a wonderful mother._

_So there you see my home life, my dad is a bully and my mom isn't doing anything about it. That's partly why I'm out here, I'm trying to make enough money so my mom and me can leave my dad. The other part is so I didn't have to feel the embarrassment and anger from my dad._

_I thought that I wouldn't have to feel like that again, and for a while I didn't._

_But now…_

_I don't know what to do…_

_~Carlos_

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><p><strong>AN: I'm apologizing in advanced if I offended some people with this chapter. This chapter was originally supposed to be a long chapter about the party and Stephanie being there, but then I realized I needed another chapter that hinted towards what's going on with Carlos. So that's where this short journal entry chapter came from. I thought of the semi-journal because he has been writing poems and stuff, so writing is his release. **

**So obviously, I changed some of his father's characteristics from the show. I hope you liked this chapter. I'll update again soon.**

**Cheers**

**-Riles**


	10. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

Ok guys, I'm having problems with this story. The main problem is inspiration. While I do absolutely love the zany and crazy Carlos Garcia, I'm thinking of discontinuing this story. I have the basic idea of what's going to happen, but I'm losing inspiration to write it and I don't know why. Just recently I've been having lots of problems with bringing myself to actually writing a chapter to this story. But the other thing is that I don't like to discontinue stories/series. I have this and the Logan one to do (which I still only know the title of) but then I feel that if I continue with this, it will just keep getting worse and worse because I'm forcing myself to finish the story. *Sigh* I'm just going to leave the story here for now, until I ultimately decide what to do with it. :(

Cheers,

-Riles


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